Last Friday I was all set to go into the studio for a much needed day of attending paperwork and returning phone calls. Many of these detailed yet essential tasks had been brushed aside over the past week as Dawn, my office manager, was performing with her Kung Fu team in China and I had to call in sick to the yoga studio almost every morning to take care of three kids with a tummy bug. Last Friday everyone in my family was finally healthy for the first time in over a week. I was looking forward to a full devoted to my yoga studios. I was planning to start my morning by taking John's power yoga class and then settling in with my phone and computer. After a week plus of my routines being thwarted, I couldn't wait to bring everything back to normal. I was craving my yoga, my alone time, my habits; all that I receive from a full day of work.
It was at that very moment of longing and anticipation, when I was freshly showered and dressed in my best yoga outfit that I got a last minute phone call from my babysitter informing me that her car had broken down in her driveway. Talk about disappointment. Momentary feelings of self pity washed over me from head to toe. As I have no last minute child care backup, it meant that once again, I must shelf my own needs as a yogi, business owner, and an adult to stay at home.
Last Friday was a gorgeous spring day. They don't get any more beautiful. The breeze was gentle, the sun was warm and kissed my bare arms. Flying high above my one year old daughter and my own head was a large bumblebee. The bee was happily flitting and buzzing up in the sky and could have cared less about us. It was during one of these moments that Sadie noticed a patch of dandelions. She has never seen a dandelion before and her face lit up in inquiry. With enthusiasm and determination she crawled on bare knees across the lawn to examine these new found treasures. At first she explored the bright yellow flowers with her right foot, hesitantly touching the face of one lucky dandelion with her big toe. Soon, she needed more and brought her face down to the ground and began to examine its texture by brushing up against the head of the flower with her cheeks and eyelids. This still was not enough. In a flash of a moment, she brought her chubby fist to the flower and picked the yellow head off of its stem. As she brought the flower to her lips, she looked at me. By this time I was sitting next to her, cross-legged, observing her sense of curiosity and wonder.
She looked at me to see my response. I felt myself wanting to tell her, "No!" "Do not eat the flowers! That is wrong! That is yucky! That is sick!" My mind quickly told me that eating flowers could possibly be dangerous. What will she eat next? Rocks worms, or twigs? Isn't my duty as a mother to teach her how to stay safe in this world?
But in that moment, I chose a different route. Instead of stating the habitual and over used, "No," I chose a different path and let myself soften. In that moment I couldn't help it - I smiled. My own smile emerged from a momentary awakening into what really mattered to me. My own realization of how precious this moment was. After I offered my smile to Sadie, she smiled back. This was no ordinary smile. Sadie grinned in pure delight. She had a light in her eyes and bright yellow flecks of dandelion stuck between her eight teeth. In all of my life, I have never seen a sight more beautiful.
My point is this: we choose our own paths and ultimately create our own experiences. We will never be able to control all of the circumstances in our lives. Each and every one of us cannot escape loss, disappointment, and change. We may not have choices around our circumstances but we do have choices regarding our reactions. Yoga teaches us this. As we practice on our mats, we continuously make choices. "Do I stay in the pose or do I release? Do I let go of perfection in the alignment of my pose and honor my experience just as it is right now?" Do I choose to experience the fullness of the pose by softening or do I choose to keep striving no matter the cost?" Yoga teaches us that we can be both a skillful practitioner and yet embrace our humanity as well.
There is a word in tantric yoga called poorna. Poorna translates as fullness or wholeness. As yogis, we want to experience our yoga practice on the yoga mat and ultimately our lives off of the yoga mat in the fullest possible dimension. We are continuously refining our skills yet at the same time we learn to let go of perfection and realize that there are no mistakes. There is only learning. The physical practice of yoga is an embodiment of asana, breath and meditation. May our lives be an embodiment as well. May we all laugh fully, love fully and live fully. According to the modern day yoga philosopher Douglas Brooks, "Yoga doesn't give you anything new. It gives you the process of engagement with who you are."
Blessings,
AnneFalkowski
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