Sacred Space

Sacred Space, Sacred Experience

When I decided to open a yoga studio in Manchester ,CT in the summer of 2001, I set out to create an environment where people would feel comfortable and relaxed the moment they walked in. I wanted a place where students could release the concerns of their day-to-day lives and connect with Self and Spirit in a deep and satisfying way. I wanted the town I grew up in and the people who live in it to have a place where they could arrive and feel safe and change and grow. I wanted to help change my town. Help it to become more open and accepting. Help it to heal. I wanted to create a supportive place for health and spirit.

I found the studio that is now Samadhi Yoga Studio with large windows that allowed soft light to filter into the room on a very hot and humid summer day. The room had been abandoned and unloved for some time. The cheap gray carpet was stained and ripped. The ceiling tiles and walls were yellowed with cigarette smoke. There was dust in every corner. The room smelled musty. It looked sad. I sat in the middle of the room and looked around and can remember feeling a tingling in my belly and knew that this would be the place. I had looked at other places and none were right. This one might not be either but it felt right. I saw and felt yoga in this room.

During those summer months, my (now ex) business partner and myself took great pains in choosing paint colors and carpet and light fixtures. The sweat of my loved ones, teachers, students and friends all went into this room. (I will be forever thankful to Marisa Chirico, Tracey and Gymm Jackson-Morey and Jack Lynch for all that they did.) We thought about installing mirrors and decided not to. Instead, as a final thought, we purchased a small statue of Shiva Nataraj and placed him on a wooden altar near one of the windows, surrounded by candles and flowers. Marisa sculpted a statue of me sitting in lotus. I placed it in the back of the room where it would always face me reminding me of my potential whenever I doubt it.

In those early days of Samadhi, the space that is now my studio felt like it could have been a small program room at Kripalu. To me- it felt like home. And yet, the process of creating sacred space had just begun.

Yoga teachers often use the term “sacred space” to describe the mood and physical environment of the room in which a yoga class takes place. But sacred space has more to do with the way we as teachers relate to our students and the feelings of safety and acceptance we convey.

At the heart of sacred space are the ultimate aims of the practice of yoga. As Patanjali wrote, “The practice of Yoga includes physical and mental discipline (tapas), self study (svadyaya) and spiritual attunement (Ishvarapranidhana). “ (Note- Kim A.-I know the last one is your favorite.) Sacred space supports the practice of yogic techniques and disciplines: warm-ups, asana, pranayama, relaxation and meditation. And even more important is a safe environment for self-exploration and attunement to Spirit.

Consider the yoga classes you take. Most of these classes emphasize a practice that is primarily physical and willful. In this context, sacred space may feel quite different than it does in a class that focuses on longer holding with deeper awareness and attunement. If the lights are on and no music is playing, is the space any less sacred? Of course not. If the practice focuses on details and alignment, can students still have a sacred experience? I say yes.

Sacred space is much more than the physical environment. Consider the following variables and the choices we make around them.

The Students- Who are they? What are they familiar and comfortable with?

Intentions- What is the teacher’s intention’s for the class? What would the teacher like his or her students to receive from their class? What does the teacher wish to experience him or herself? Does the teacher have their own personal practice or is the teacher using their class time for that?

Safety- What will help this particular group of students feel comfortable? What information does the teacher need to convey to help them feel safe? How does the teacher introduce new or unfamiliar concepts in safe and non-threatening ways? What do the students need to know to protect themselves?

Setting the tone- Does the teacher create a space of quietness and safety for healing to take place? Are there pockets of quiet time for the student to hear their own breath and to sink into the experience? Does the teacher use permission language to let students know that everything you do in yoga is ultimately choice? Does the teacher ask you to not judge or compete with self and others?

Group Bonding-Students can dive into sacred experience more easily when they know who is with them on the journey. Are their opportunities for them to get to know each other? Tea after class, a waiting room before class, partner work, sharing or a simple greeting to each other? These things do matter.

Rituals –Rituals have been used for ages to create sacred experience or to transition from the ordinary to the extraordinary experience of connection to Self and Spirit. A ritual can be as simple as sitting for a moment in silence. A ritual can be traditional or self created by the teacher. It should be non-threatening and not associated with any religion unless the teacher is teaching in a religious setting. A ritual planned for a workshop or retreat would be very different than a ritual planned for a group of business people practicing yoga in the workplace.

Attention to Awareness- Details and alignment are important and necessary. Yet if the teacher only speaks of these more superficial aspects, the students might miss the deeper meaning of the practice. An “in tune” teacher starts with awareness of the body in response to those details, by using phrases such as “Extend your arms overhead and feel.” An “in tune” teacher might guide a forward fold such as Yoga Mudra by saying, “Take a moment to reflect on the areas of your life where you may need to develop humility or surrender to something greater than yourself.”

Integration and closure- Does the teacher allow enough time at the end of class for students to come out of relaxation slowly and sit for a few minutes of pranayama and/or meditation? The energy in the room at this time can be almost palpable. Students who have gone deep into their experience are open and receptive. As most of us know, this is a beautiful time for inspirational readings, affirmations, chanting and prayers. Are students encouraged to take their time transitioning out of the room and perhaps to maintain silence for a while after class?

The fact that students come to class signifies an intention to learn. As teachers, we facilitate that learning process not by delivering a lot of information, but by being fully present and accepting. My intention for creating Samadhi Yoga Studio was to create an environment where people feel relaxed and open, everything happening in the moment is absorbed fully, without analysis and without any conditions placed on the experience by the mind.

Learning something new is a leap into the unknown and that requires an amount of trust in the hearts and the minds of our students. My responsibility as a studio owner and teacher is to provide the safety and encouragement for the students of Samadhi Yoga Studio to make leaps beyond their usual comfort zone.

Namaste.

The Tantric Path

Many yoga traditions reject the material world as unreal and the life of the body as a distraction. This is the realization of neti-neti, the way of negation, literally translated as "not this, not this." Leave the body and leave the material world behind. Think of the skinny guys in the cave or maybe you heard about the person who walked away from their corporate job and went off to an ashram and was never heard from again. Or maybe, you have contemplated walking away from your own life.

Their are many yogic and religious traditions that believe:

I am not this body and its sensations.
I am not this mind and its thoughts and desires.
I am not even intuition or insight.
I am pure spirit.

This is the view that sees the material world as an illusion and human embodiment as a fall from grace in which Spirit becomes trapped in matter. The goal of these approaches is to drop the body and leave the world behind.

Personally there are many days where I go to my mat and want to leave this body and world that can disappoint me. Personally there are times when I feel that this world is cruel and hard and on a path of self destruction.

So how do I embrace my yogic path. The path to Tantra. Tantric yogis believe in "spirit" or a "oneness" underlying all of the creation. The actual word tantra means "web" like threads in a tapestry. As yogis of a tantric tradition, we embrace that oneness or "spirit" but we believe it manifests in the material world as well. We believe that it cannot be separate. It is woven together and the material world naturally flows out of spirit and is always co-existing with Spirit. In simpler terms, the material world and the spirit world are separate but one does not exist with out the other.

So, in Tantra, Spirit is in this physical world and the yogi embraces the whole of life as the outward manifestation of the invisible Spirit.

A willful yoga practice is a Tantric path. It guides us to experience the unity of matter and spirit reflected within us as body and mind. Consider a long holding of demanding posture such as bridge pose. As you enter the posture, you breathe and relax to stimulate the flow of energy and sensation through the body. Next you feel, focusing the mind on the flowing sensations. Watching, you observe your inner experiences as a witness developing concentration and entering the state of meditation. The final step is to allow. This is the essence of Tantra. You accept your experience as it is, dropping the need to change it in any way, and realize the truth that, at our essence we are all amazing, we are divine.

When your yoga mat is a prison cell

My yoga mat was my prison cell today. As soon as the teacher began to ask us to follow her lead in pranyama- I wanted out. Out of the room, out of the studio, out of my life. I knew if I walked out the door, it would shatter the mood of the classroom. Create a drama. Be bad form. So I stayed. I stayed and I observed myself struggling and resisting. I was the animal in the cage. Wild and frenzied and alone. At the end of practice, I meditated. Life is telling me to surrender. I want to. I just don't know how. I don't know what I need. I don't know.

Writing group was today. It was a much needed diversion.

This is what I wrote. The prompt was "dirty mugs" A wierd prompt that probably originated because there is a sign in the community room that says "dirty mugs" for people to put their used mugs after tea.

"Dirty Mugs"

Dirty mugs, slimy mugs, mugs with the remnants of my coffee. Mugs with gum wrappers embedded in sticky substances. Dirty mugs adorning my car dashboard, my coffee table, my kitchen counter and my fireplace mantle which burns brightly and scortches my cat's whiskers-only at the ends.

My cat lifts her head in defiance. The ends of her whiskers glow bright orange. A cigarette ember drops down turning into ash. Just as my mother did. Her death too soon like this day-too warm for winter. Smells and feels and sounds like spring. Snow is melting and dying. Spring is still months away.

I am waiting for a rebirth. Birth myself out of this shit I wallow in. Out of complacency, anger and self loathing that turns my skin to grey, my thoughts to stale bread, and my eyes to ginger.

Dirty mugs litter my house. This clutter must stay around me. Keep me from clarity for when I am clear I must ramble. I must show myself. Naked and vulnerable. Flesh that can be pierced and prodded. Holes that can leak onto the floor. Their substance unidentifiable. I have come to the edge and there I stood and looked down. And there I stood and looked down.

It was my own reflection that looked back at me and she closed her eyes. She was too tired to stay awake.

Dirty mugs comfort me when I am tired. I feel like I have finally fallen.

I thought this yoga was all about inner peace anyways......

It has been a month since I have reallistically considered writing in this thing. Thank you to those of you who have asked me to resume writing. It feels strange and pleasurable to realize that somebody out there actually reads my blog. It has been a crazier than usual month with the end of year fiscal stuff, a new and cumbersome schedule due out the door on January 1, a trip to Brazil with visa hoops to jump through, and the holiday season.

I'm not going to get into great detail about the things that have been happening on the homefront but let me just say that we had major reconstruction happening to our home during the month of December and my parents moved into my house on December 20( They will live with us 4 months out of the year) and Matthew is still unemployed............

I want to write about yoga and why I so desperately cannot function without it. I know it has saved me over the past month. Saved me every time I have gotten on my mat, every time I have closed my eyes, every time I have heard my own ujjaii breath and let it fill me. My breath has filled me when I was overwhelmed, when I was tired, bitchy and scared.

Yes, I have been scared. I am the one with the lifelong companion of self doubt and anxiety. I am the one who hears the voices that she is not good enough. My voices say, "What are you doing? Running a studio? You will fail. You have too many classes, are not organized enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, not kind enough, etc. " My voices say, "You will never be able to hold it together while Matthew is unemployed. You will never be a good enough mother, daughter, friend. You are a fraud. You are irresponsible. You are selfish. You are out of your mind for the choices you make. "

As I write down these words, it is important for me to say that I am not looking for sympathy. I am not looking for compassion even. I am just stating that these feelings of anxiety and self loathing are something that I have dealt with for as long as I can remember. I know that I am not alone.

When I first heard about the re-emergence of yoga, sometime in the mid 90's, I did not pay attention to the claims of "inner peace and happiness" that yoga experts claimed would be a direct result of this ancient practice. As a matter of fact, I thought that "inner peace" was something to run away from. Something that keeps you mediocre, keeps you from facing life, from growing, from competing. I really believed that "inner peace" was for slackers and people who couldn't deal with life. This was based on my longstanding belief that life was hard and unfair and I was not born with a silverspoon in my mouth. I was not born rich or beautiful or smart or talented. It was my belief that anything I had going for me in my life was because I had fought for it. At the time (pre yoga), this included a 100lb. weight loss, the most beautiful baby in the world, a loving supportive husband, and a modest home. I also believed that anything I had going for me could be lost in an instant if I let it. If I got complacent. I had to constantly be on my toes. Eat right-no mistakes. Exercise every day-no time off ever. Never complain as a mother. Do it all . Clean everything. Never complain. Smile. Smile. Protect everyone. Protect everything I have. It can be lost in an instant. It would be my fault. My fault.

I remember the first time I tried yoga. On a cold and dusty hardwood floor with the most beautiful ceilings from which white lights and ivy garlands were wrapped around wooden beams. Late afternoon light streaming through tall windows. Trees blowing in the winter wind. Loreena Mckennit played on in the background coming from a small cd player. My teachers' voice was male and had a strong european accent. His ujjaii breath was loud and powerful and as a teacher he used the tool of this sound far more than verbal direction.

I was not on that yoga mat for inner peace. I was there for the burning in my thighs in a super long holding of bridge pose. I was there for the edginess I felt in my hips in badha konasana, for the fear I felt in shoulderstand. I was there to push, I was there to feel. I was there to feel. I was there because this was new and different and I was exhausted from my daily routines. and I didn't know this because I was not allowing myself to feel anything but the pressure of the voices.

As some of you may have experienced, when you first come to yoga, instead of finding inner peace you might find chaos. You might come to head to head with stuff you had not been dealing with. Yoga can be confrontational and scary. It can shatter what you hold onto dearly. I think this is what happened to me. I held on to believing I could never be good enough and that life was unfair and cruel and unsafe. In this yoga class, I held on, I held on and stayed present in the longest holding of bridge pose. Yes my thighs were burning and my lungs were burning, but somewhere in the middle of a bridge pose, I let energy and sensations rise, I stayed present in my body and allowed the waves to rise, crest and dissipate. Riding out these powerful waves -I let myself fully in and I found my witness. My witness held the space for me to know that I was good enough. That I had always been good enough. My life was good enough. This world is good enough or not good enough and it doesnt' matter anyways because I am ok. Everything is ok. I am absolutely ok.

Thank you yoga for the witness. Thank you for forcing me to see the havoc and lies that my "inner critic" played and still can play in my life. Thank you for showing me that the voice of "shame" is a liar. Thank you "witness" for bringing in light and clarity to my mind and helping me untangle a complex web of egocentric thinking, emotional pattering, rigid comparmentalization and other self-limiting and destructive thoughts to my authentic self.

Thank you witness for mending me and making me whole. Thank you for letting me know that I am not seperate or alone. Thank you for letting my suffering fall away.

This is why I return to my mat.