Aloneness

In the quiet hours of my yoga practice, I have come to realize that I need to be my own best friend. My actions and my thoughts all need to support that. All of us should embrace our solitude.

When I was in college, I learned about existentialism. I indentified with the aloneness of it all. We're born alone, we die alone, and we live alone, each of us on our own plane of perception. I read once that,"No two people have ever met." I take this to mean that even the people you know best and love with all of your hearts are your own projections. Sooner or later you wake up and you're the one whose left. If we allow it to be, this is a wonderful thing. You get to go to sleep and wake up with you, you get to order your favorite food and listen to your favorite music.

Meditation is a practice that comes and goes for me. This week it has been front and central in my 108 day practice. I come to my mat and sit with my eyes closed. 15 minutes pass and it occurs to me that I am feeling clear. I feel joy and gratitude. I let the thoughts appear from nowhere, move by like clouds, change and dissipate. In an instant, they are gone. Who named the sky?

There is nothing to grasp and nothing to control. All that is, all that it was and ever could be, is invited to meet me. It is all right if it kills me. It doesn't matter. I know not to stop it. I become bright and weightless and live without fear. Everything is visible now and I could kiss the ground. There is nothing to grasp and nothing to control. On my cushion, I notice that I'm worshiping not with any words, but with breath and my hands pressed together upon my heart. Where will this love end? How could I possibly know? I become aware of the softest whisper, a breath, and then not even that.