Final Week

Final Week reflections

Last week I found myself writing about “death” and how this showed up in my yoga practice. Interestingly enough and without intention, I find myself thinking about aliveness this week and connection to the divine. Yoga teaches that we must surrender to a higher principle in order to find peace and experience our inborn divinity. Ishvara-Pranidhana means to dedicate one’s every thought, word and deed to the Lord and surrender them at his or her feet with total faith.

Why surrender to God? What do I know about that? I am not even a person who embraces a traditional judeo/Christian God. Neither do I embrace any Eastern Gods. However as a Unitarian Universalist, which is fortunately a generous liberal religion and encourages spiritual exploration, I find that I am not an atheist either. I find that I do believe in an eternal and supreme force. I do believe we are all connected and that we are all good inside. I believe we are all connected to our ancestors and our ancestors’ ancestors and to the people of our future. I do believe in something bigger than myself. I believe in the concept and power of love. I believe that we are more that our physical bodies and we are more than our thoughts. At the same time, I believe you can reduce me down to blood and bone and my essence can be found there.

My essence:

My essence was felt in New York City this weekend where I went for a visit with my nine year old daughter and my good friend. (Thank you to Miss Kimberly.) This time of year, as the evenings get darker a little bit earlier and earlier each day, I find myself becoming increasingly dark and lonely and somewhat unsettled. Not sure of what is to come. Interestingly enough, these dark feelings were shed in the energy and life of downtown New York.

The three of us arrived by train early Saturday morning and were met by the smells of exhaust and horse urine but the sun was also shining and the promise of something beautiful and pure rode on the backs of the occasional crisp breeze. Looking up at the ceiling of Grand Central Station is indeed as magnificent as any chapel.

On this spectacular shining day, New York City was alive and teeming with people. The thousands of people we saw were busy and beautiful and surprisingly friendly. We got many smiles, had doors opened and many people made small talk with us on Saturday. The thousands of people we observed and interacted with this weekend reminded me that people are basically kind and good. The “vibe” of New York was alive and electric and it was exciting to be a part of it. We did have some small setbacks, mostly an American Girl Doll whose leg fell off, but we managed to get it bandaged up and go on with our day and not let a broken doll leg get us down.

In the busyness and electricity of New York, I felt amazingly calm and centered inside. I felt a connection to this vibrant place and to all the people and dogs (small) and buildings. I felt an awareness of a presence much greater than the city and of which I was a small, but nether the less, inherent part of. I felt a belief in all that is good and kind. I felt no need to be any greater than I already am. I felt extreme gratitude. I felt peace and I felt alive. I felt there was purpose and order in this world much larger than my own and my true nature was to surrender and trust.

My all day walk of 24 New York City blocks felt like a walking meditation of life. With each step I became less weary and more clear and grateful to be alive.

I think about teaching this Saturday for the first time in 2 months and hope to bring my own “vibe” to my teaching. My own vibe in not mine alone but a shared vibe of feeling alive and connected to earth and grass and cement and buildings and people and passion. A vibe where we trust that we will get to where we need to be or even better, trust that we are exactly where we need to be in this moment if we allow ourselves to drop in and be present. A vibe where we embrace our own life force in our bones and blood and breath and feel a connection to all beings. An understanding of something so kind and magnificent that it can’t be intellectualized, only understood from somewhere deep and still inside. I surrender to God(or Goddess) and trust the process.

Jai,
Anne

p.s.- Many thank you’s over the past 8 weeks especially to: Dawn-how did I get by before you? Matt- for talking me into the pop up camper.. Mom-for taking risks. Tracey and Gymm-for being there in all of my pinches and for letting me wallow. Natalie-for being real. Nikki-for being my new friend. Eve and Jaime-for nourishing my family with yummy meals during YTT. Pam-for coming back into my life. Stacy-for bringing beauty and organization into my home. Helen and Nil-for reconnecting. Lisa P.-for cutting off all my hair. Kim G.-for showing up at the right moment. Cynthia-for being you and following your dreams. Jeff and Temple-morning practice.